Recently, I came across this comment on a post about Tiger Woods.
“The problem is much deeper and it is a society that still tries to cling to a belief in monogamy. I can’t blame them as I also cling to that same belief, but maybe we as society should rethink what we demand from ourselves. Even if we follow it, is monogamy the right way to live, or does Tiger have it right?”
Rethink what we demand from ourselves? That guy sounds like he’s trying to justify an affair in the near future. Does Tiger have it right? As in, should men all sleep with whomever they please?
How about we stop demanding anything, start accepting our basic goodness, and make our daily actions congruent with what we want out of life… perhaps many of us are already doing that though…
The real problem is that we “cling” to anything. Clinging to monogamy, or “clinging” to the neighbor will both cause suffering.
May we be “monogamous” not out of insecurity, but because we are secure. May we form our opinions on the validity of “monogamy” not on what is happening, but on what is healthy.
Forming opinions on what /Tiger Woods/Bill Clinton/closeted senators/the neighbor/ is doing may not work out the best for us. I could be wrong though. Perhaps we are all meant to be arrogant, aggressive, selfish, and unfaithful.
Why should we allow the dregs of society to determine our values?
While most animal species are not monogamous, quite a few are… although neither of those facts are very relevant. WE HAVE MUCH BIGGER BRAINS THAN THE REST OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM! Let’s use the brains we have. THAT is natural.
Then again, if we define “natural” by “whatever we feel like at the moment” then of course a huge percentage of us are not monogamous. A huge percentage of us would also then be classified as arrogant, aggressive, and ignorant. The real “natural” in my opinion is the end result of living a life of personal growth, of not clinging, of serving others, of not letting short term pleasures get in the way of much, much greater goals.
The proof to me that monogamy is natural for humans is the myriad examples of humans who choose NOT to be monogamous: polygamists, polyamorists, swingers, cheaters, etc. etc.
Are those the groups that should be the base for our “natural” norms?
“Natural” or not, the real issue here is what causes infidelity, and what are its consequences.