Some interesting points from a recent lecture at school, as well as from John Gottman:
- 60% of males have sexual contact outside of marriage (45% of females). What about extensive extramarital “emotional contact”? Some researchers have suggested that it can be more damaging than sexual contact. Thoughts?
- 85% of couples in marital therapy will get divorced within a year (what I think needs to happen is: couples need come in before their problems get too bad, and couples who come in to soften their divorce should not be counted in these stats).
- The ratio of positive to negative interactions between couples who eventually divorce is about 1:1. For those who are surviving, it is about 5:1. For couples doing really well, it is about 20:1.
- About 70% of our marital problems existed long before the marriage, and will probably last until we die. How we talk about them is more important than solving them. Gottman suggests a kind and gentle approach to conflict.
- About 2/3 of wives experience a decrease in marital satisfaction after a new baby arrives. Even less shocking, it’s usually the husband’s fault. He often does not join her on the new adventure. About 1/2 of husbands experience a decrease, but it comes later…maybe after the wife’s satisfaction decreases?