Enneagram Personality Types, Marriage, and Parenting

N and I took an Enneagram personality test. After about 40 questions it tells you which of the 9 personality types you are. We took the free version, while the “scientifically validated” version is $10. It turned out to be somewhat accurate, and insightful for our relationship as well as our views on parenting. So here it is. A free and uncalled for look into our personalities, and our marriage. : )

My Personality: #4 – The Individualist
“The introspective, romantic type. Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity.”

N’s Personality: #6 – The Loyalist
“The committed, security-oriented type. Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy…can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion.”

Our Relationship
Strengths: “Rather than energize each other, when they are healthy, Fours and Sixes tend to support and stabilize each other, usually acting as a sounding board for worries and complaints that they feel they cannot air anywhere else. Fours bring sensitivity, sensuality, and the ability to express emotions openly, including the feelings that Sixes themselves do not know how to express. Fours talk about their inner lives—again, something that Sixes often need to learn. Sixes bring hard work, perseverance, practicality, loyalty, and concern with security to the relationship.” Spot on.

Trouble Spots: “Generally, Fours are more interested in self-exploration and self-development and they tend to be more adventuresome in their tastes and in what they allow themselves to think and to experience. Sixes tend to be more conservative and resistant to change and to personal exploration…”

This one was pretty insightful–and good to remember when we’re discussing parenting styles. Poor LG, he’s going to have to balance all this institutional pressure:
Me: “May demand sensitivity, artistic creativity, emotional depth, and understanding—that their child be a Little Therapist”
N: “May demand dependability, obedience, perseverance, and trustworthiness—that their child be a Little Trouper”

N and I were laughing as we read the descriptions because of how accurate they are. The test didn’t really tell us anything we weren’t already aware of, but it was amusing to have it explained to us by a personality test.


About shenpa warrior

"Patience is not learned in safety." View all posts by shenpa warrior

2 responses to “Enneagram Personality Types, Marriage, and Parenting

  • WP

    I looked at some of the questions but I thought they were too simplistic, black and white, either or when I felt that I could answer both questions depending on the circumstance.

  • adam

    I felt that way on a couple of them, but for the most part I could answer one of them more than the other…

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